Simba

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Hey you! Hi there, hello!
What’s your name? Mine is Will-oo
Now you’re here and I have your attention
Let me tell you a story I simply must mention
I was born on a farm, but it wasn’t to be
I was put up for adoption, which was safer for me

In this temporary home I made a new friend
Knowing my stay here would someday end
So until then I decided to kick back and relax
Manipulating the humans, to the max
I was on top of our cage, sleeping on my mate,
Enjoying the life, which I thought was just great
When one day, 6ft above the floor
Where I was staying safe, away from the door
Two strangers had arrived; they came for me
I was awoken from my slumber on a cat called Wolf-e
They weren’t dogs or cats but people see?
Introducing themselves were Dad and Mum-ee

I knew before them that they’d take me home
And when I got there I realised I wasn’t alone
A new brother and sister were waiting for me
Don’t know what they look like cause I’m blind you see
My big bro, was a Rascal by name and nature
I thought he was quite, an interesting creature
And get this, it’s no joke
When Misty vanishes just like smoke

I love to sit, on a warm lap
Closing my eyes, drifting into a nap
Mum tickles my head, just behind my ear
Feeling safe, I have nothing to fear
My Dad has a head, which I love to lick
Using a tongue with bristles ever so thick
One day I even followed him up a ladder
Couldn’t understand why he was getting madder
Turns out he was stuck up in the attic
With me at the top he got into a panic
A solution was found and this problem got solved
You wouldn’t believe what this involved!
And after this, dad was a lot more cautious
He kept a closer eye on each and all of us

We have our own room, which is shared
With places to hide if I feel scared
After these events my true personality came out
I get can my own way when loudly I shout
But that’s ok because I am blind as a bat
Simba I’m now called and I’m King Cat!

Then one day Mum and Dad went out
I cried for them and we began to shout
For they had gone to that same place
From where we first met, face to face
And when they came back they were not alone
As they had brought another cat into my royal home!
She was small and black and as feisty as can be
We soon realised she was mad as a nutty Cook-ie!

Amid this expansion I’m sure you can see
That it took us awhile to feel like a fam-il-ee
With happiness reigning entirely in the house
We were playing our favourite game of cat and mouse
Then one day our parents went out again
We don’t want this, it’s a total pain!

And from the CPA they came back
With something tiny coloured white and black
For home they brought the smallest kitten
And after a while we were totally smitten
Soon we realised what was in store
For this small kitten had a purr like a roar
Then one day, he felled dad like a tree
Watched it happen we all did see
“Tttiiimmmbbbeeerrr” we laughed as dad fell in the kitchen
“You called?” whispered this newest addition
Dad must’ve heard us cause shortly thereafter
He changed the kittens name from ‘Timmy’ to ‘Tim-ber’
This cat said, “I can be quiet as a mouse, and quite sneaky”
“I don’t cause all the mischief, yet they always blame me!”

Oh hey, sorry friend, look at the time
The hour is late; it must be near nine,
For now this tail I must briefly conclude
So good day and goodnight, see ya later dude!

Traffic Wardens

The Red Coats are coming!
The Red Coats are coming!
They’re on their way!
I know I’m in trouble
They gona make me pay

When I see them walking about
With their little machines
I love to yell at them and shout
I know what that bloody sign means!

I needed to use the bank
Told them 5 mins is all I’d be
I know it was a taxi rank
They still put a ticket on me!

I’ll yell in their faces
And tell them where to go
I’ll do it in public places
To my red coated foe

And in car parks, they’re just as bad
Sneaking around, it makes me mad
Nasty gits, always looking mean
Hiding around corners, too late to be seen

Look, I swear I bought a ticket and I hadn’t gone far
When I turned around to see him, standing at my car
Tried to say, the wind must’ve blown it down
Got a “too late mate” from the red-coated clown!!!

I mean to say, it doesn’t make sense
Getting such a large fine
For the sake of a few pence
The sneaky Red Coat swine!

I got booked again the other day
Forgot to put the latest badge on display
I said “here listen, sorry ‘bout that mate”
“It’s my fault the badge was out of date”

Warden said “hey no sweat let’s see what I can do”
And what he did next proved his word to be true
For when I showed him the badge from my other car
I won my appeal, thanks to my red-coated star

They even keep the loading bays free
For cars and trucks, to unload
Cause it really bothers me
To carry heavy stuff up the road

They are professional and polite
And very hard working
They never rise to the fight
That people are provoking

And here’s a little known fact
That some may not know
If the wardens failed to act
Our town would not grow

For poor parking would quickly spread
And the roads would start to clog
Shops would soon be dead
Because of the parking backlog

So listen up, and this is true
They are under-appreciated
Most people haven’t a clue
Just how much they are truly needed!